The Older I Get
by Streaming Radiant Fire
Summary: Drabble. After everything nothing was quite the same. EXB


A/N: Ok everyone, I know you guys expected a story from the poll but this has been rotting on my computer forever and I finished it and decided to post it. Tell me what you think, ok, because I'm worried that this isn't that good. Anyway, here you go, a really short (600 something words) one-shot. Also this was inspired by the song, The Older I Get By Skillet! You should listen to it because it's a really awesome song and Skillet is an awesome band.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. Nor do I own any of the upcoming books. : P

Summary: After everything nothing was quite the same. EXB

The Older I Get

Edward had changed me but everything wasn't as it was before. My heart still felt as if it was fluttering every time he walked into the room, and at times like these I would forget that I wasn't human anymore. Edward's smile still made me feel like everything was alright in the world, but our love felt more controlled, different, it wasn't as strong as it was before. But I had to wonder if as time went on would our love grow stronger or crumble from the pressure on it.

- - -

"Bella," Edward sighed, "come back inside." His musical voice floated to my ears as I lifted my head to look at him.

"Why?" It was a simple question but it couldn't be easily answered or ignored. I bet he could tell I was thinking about Jacob again. Sometimes I feel that it wasn't fair to him, always having to know that there was a piece of my heart that would never belong to him no matter how much I wanted it to.

He ran his hand though his hair and his eyes closed for the briefest moment. He murmured "I don't know," Than he was gone, back into the house.

I turned my gaze back to the secluded street in front of me and my truck in the front of the house as I sat leaning against the porch stairs.

Days like this always reminded me of him the most. I watched the gem like droplets of rain as they splashed onto the ground. This town reminded me so much of Forks it hurt. Even though Jacob was already dead it didn't stop me from feeling the tiniest bit of regret. It was just that with Jacob everything felt so right, but with Edward everything felt righter. Edward was just the logical choice, so…why couldn't I stop thinking about Jacob?

- - -

By the time I went in it was dark outside and I could tell that I had hurt Edward. _Why do I always hurt the people that I love?_ That thought repeated in my head a few times before fading away. The least I could do is love Edward with all my heart and never think about Jacob again. After all Jacob did find love after me, with the girl he imprinted on. It was only three years after I had gotten changed. So even if I did chose Jake he would have left me anyway, for the girl he was meant to be with.

I walked into the room Edward and I shared, he was sitting on the couch looking out the window without an expression on his face. A song played through the surround sound and I could easily use it to describe my life.

"Edward…" His head turned and he look at me, he smiled signaling he was happy but he eyes said something different, they were filled with sorrow. "I…." I didn't know how to finish my apology for disregarding him and not giving him my whole heart.

Edward put his arms out and pulled me into his arms, he rocked me slowly and at that moment I knew he understood. Dry sobs tore from my throat and than I knew I had made the right choice, even though I will always regret it a bit I knew I would never wish that I had picked Jake instead.

Edward was the one for me. He understood and while it may have hurt him, he didn't care. He just wanted to be with me and that was enough for him.

I didn't deserve Edward but if he wanted me than I was more than happy to stay with him.

- - -

The older I get  
Will I get over it?  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Maybe I'll get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

-"The Older I Get" By Skillet

- - -


End file.
